tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
