My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
