We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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