sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
