question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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