Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
