I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize