we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
