Michael Bay diarrhea
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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