I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
