Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Is Oprah even human
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
