I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
