does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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