No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize