yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
