Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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