Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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