i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
