She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
