no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
