I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
