Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
