Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
