Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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