turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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