Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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