He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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