She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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