soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
