i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
