I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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