OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
