Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
