I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
