you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
