What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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