hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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