I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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