Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
