I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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