Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
