i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
