After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
be right there i have to get my cape
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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