Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
