i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
