I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
