I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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