you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
