You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
