you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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