We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
