could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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