its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
