you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
