man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
