According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize