Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
