Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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