I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
