no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
