yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
