Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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