the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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