my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
