Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
