dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
