I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
