respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
