no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Are we in a gay sports bar?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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